📊 Analytics & Fun
🧪 How to Build a Financial Model Using Vibes, Not Revenue
Break free from boring spreadsheets and learn how to model value based on cultural impact, meme virality, and emotional resonance. Because sometimes vibes are more valuable than ARR.
🔥 How to Do an IRR Battle with Your Friends at the BBQ
🍖 FINANCIAL GLADIATOR ARENA PRESENTS: Turn brisket into balance sheets. Social flex meets Excel deathmatch.
🎪 Welcome to the Hottest Party Game Since Beer Pong
WARNING: Once you introduce IRR battles to your social circle, regular conversations about sports and weather will feel intellectually vacant. Proceed with caution.
🍗 Chapter 1: Why Finance Should Never Be Boring
🎯 Social Evolution
Barbecues used to be about ribs and red Solo cups. Now it’s about flexing your cashflow projections.
🏆 Alpha Status
Real alphas don’t just grill—they discount future cash flows while manning the smoker.
🧠 Stealth Education
Learn finance through combat. Darwin would be proud.
The Evolution of Party Games
What We Used to Do:
- Beer pong (requires hand-eye coordination)
- Crypto shilling (requires gullible friends)
- Arguing about sports (requires caring about sports)
🧾 Chapter 2: The Battle Setup - Choose Your Investment Fantasy
🎭 Team Formation & Character Creation
🎭 Team Formation & Character Creation
The Classic Squad (4-6 players ideal):
- 🦈 The Shark: Always projects 100%+ IRR, uses phrases like “hockey stick growth”
- 🤡 The Comedian: Picks the most absurd businesses but somehow makes them work mathematically
- 🤓 The Analyst: Actually understands finance, ruins everyone’s fun with “realistic assumptions”
- 🎪 The Showman: Best presentation skills, worst business ideas
- 😵 The Confused Friend: Has no idea what’s happening but is having a great time
- 🧠 The Dark Horse: Quiet until they drop a genius business model that breaks everyone’s brain
🎯 Deal Selection Criteria
🎯 Deal Selection Criteria
The Golden Rules:
- Must be completely ridiculous (but not impossible)
- Must involve at least one dead trend (NFTs, crypto, metaverse, etc.)
- Must have questionable market demand
- Must make you question your friends’ sanity
- Combining incompatible industries
- Targeting nonexistent demographics
- Requiring behavior change from humans
- Involving seasonal businesses in wrong seasons
🎲 The Fantasy Deal Generator
🎲 The Fantasy Deal Generator
Category A: The Business Type
- NFT-fueled [blank] franchise
- AI-powered [blank] marketplace
- Subscription-based [blank] experience
- Blockchain [blank] ecosystem
- Influencer [blank] empire
- For pets only
- In winter/wrong season
- Adjacent to existing platform
- With therapeutic benefits
- That solves first-world problems
- In your hometown (population: 12,000)
- Albuquerque (always funny)
- “The metaverse”
- A dead mall
- Your parents’ garage
- “AI-powered karaoke sushi bar for pets in Albuquerque”
- “Blockchain ice cream truck therapy in the metaverse”
- “NFT-fueled laundromat experience in a dead mall”
📉 Chapter 3: Fire Up the Calculator Arsenal
The IRR Battle Station Setup
What You Need:
- Laptops/phones for each team
- Access to fc.firuz-alimov.com
- Timer (30 seconds per pitch)
- Scorecards (or just use phones)
- Strong WiFi (financial warfare requires bandwidth)
- Projector/TV for dramatic IRR reveals
- Whiteboard for keeping score
- Bell or airhorn for time limits
- Judges’ table setup (folding table + lawn chairs = instant credibility)
💥 Chapter 4: Battle Commences - The IRR Reveal Ceremony
🎤 The Pitch Performance (30 Seconds)
🎤 The Pitch Performance (30 Seconds)
The Perfect Pitch Structure:
- Hook (5 seconds): “Imagine if Amazon and a taco truck had a baby…”
- Problem (5 seconds): “Nobody’s solving the intersection of hunger and logistics”
- Solution (10 seconds): Your ridiculous business model
- Market (5 seconds): “The TAM is literally everyone who eats”
- Close (5 seconds): “This is going to change everything”
- Use hand gestures that match your growth projections
- Include fake customer testimonials (“My beta users literally cried”)
- Reference made-up market research (“According to our proprietary study…”)
- End with artificial urgency (“The window for this is closing fast”)
📊 The IRR Reveal Drama
📊 The IRR Reveal Drama
Maximum Drama Protocol:
- Build Suspense: “I ran the numbers three times because I couldn’t believe it…”
- The Reveal: Display IRR with appropriate shock/pride
- The Justification: Quick explanation of how you got there
- The Challenge: “Beat that.”
- 0-15%: “Conservative but sustainable”
- 15-25%: “Solid investment thesis”
- 25-50%: “Disruptive potential”
- 50-100%: “Unicorn territory”
- 100%+: “Either genius or completely delusional”
- 500%+: “Definitely delusional but entertainingly so”
🗳️ The Voting Categories
🗳️ The Voting Categories
Official Awards:🔥 IRR Flex Award (Highest Return)
- Winner gets bragging rights until next BBQ
- Must display screenshot as phone wallpaper for one week
- The sweet spot between crazy and brilliant
- Often the most memorable presentation
- For sophisticated use of financial concepts in ridiculous contexts
- Bonus points for actually understanding what IRR measures
- Democratic vote from all participants
- Sometimes different from other categories
🧠 Chapter 5: The Accidental MBA Program
PLOT TWIST: While everyone’s laughing, you’re actually learning fundamental investment analysis. Shh, don’t tell them.
What’s Really Happening Behind the Comedy
🎯 IRR: The Ultimate Performance Metric
🎯 IRR: The Ultimate Performance Metric
What It Really Measures: The discount rate that makes net present value equal zeroTranslation: “What annual return rate would make this investment break even over time?”Why It Matters:
- Compares investments with different timelines
- Accounts for the time value of money
- Standard metric for private equity and venture capital
💰 Cash Flow vs. Profit Understanding
💰 Cash Flow vs. Profit Understanding
The Revelation: A profitable business can still go bankrupt if cash flow timing is wrongReal Example: Your NFT dog wash might be “profitable” on paper but if customers pay 90 days late and rent is due monthly…What You’re Learning: Why cash flow projections matter more than revenue projections
⏰ Time Value of Money Intuition
⏰ Time Value of Money Intuition
The Concept: 100 next year (due to opportunity cost and inflation)Satirical Application: Why your Year 5 exit for $50M might not be as impressive as it soundsWhat You’re Learning: How to mentally discount future promises and projections
🧰 Chapter 6: The Drinking Game Expansion Pack
RESPONSIBLE CONSUMPTION NOTICE: Please drink responsibly. The goal is financial education with entertainment, not alcohol poisoning with spreadsheets.
Official IRR Battle Drinking Rules
🎯 Basic Trigger Words (One Sip)
🎯 Basic Trigger Words (One Sip)
The Classics:
- “Synergy” (unironic usage)
- “Disruptive” (without explaining what it disrupts)
- “Revolutionary” (for anything that already exists)
- “First mover advantage” (in a crowded market)
- “Network effects” (without understanding what that means)
- “Viral potential” (based on zero evidence)
- References to “the algorithm” as a business strategy
- Any mention of “changing human behavior”
- Using “pivot” as a verb more than twice
- Claiming “IP protection” for an obvious idea
🚀 Advanced Triggers (Two Sips)
🚀 Advanced Triggers (Two Sips)
The Ambitious Claims:
- IRR projections over 50%
- Break-even in under 6 months
- “Scalable to 50 states by Year 2”
- Revenue projections with no customer acquisition plan
- Comparing themselves to Amazon/Tesla/Apple
- Using “conservative estimate” for wildly optimistic numbers
- Buzzword density exceeding 3 per sentence
- Made-up metrics (“customer delight coefficient”)
- Referencing studies that definitely don’t exist
💥 Chug-Level Offenses
💥 Chug-Level Offenses
The Ultimate Delusions:
- $1 billion exit in Year 3
- “We’ll be cash flow positive from Day 1”
- “No real competition exists”
- “We just need 1% of the market”
- “Celebrity endorsement is guaranteed”
- “This will replace all existing solutions”
- Financial projections that require breaking laws of physics
- Business models requiring time travel
- Revenue streams that depend on aliens
👑 CFO Promotion Events
👑 CFO Promotion Events
Automatic CFO Status Granted For:
- Using “vibes-based valuation” unironically
- Successfully defending an IRR over 200%
- Making everyone else’s projections look conservative
- Creating a new financial metric on the spot
- Audit everyone’s assumptions publicly
- Demand backup for any claim over $1M
- Institute “reality check” timeouts
- Final vote on all awards
🎪 Chapter 7: Advanced Game Modes & Variations
Setup: 8+ players, bracket-style eliminationRound 1: Speed Pitches (15 seconds each)
- Eliminate bottom 50% based on crowd reaction
- Semifinalists present full business models
- Audience can ask one challenging question each
- Final 2 contestants
- 5-minute presentations
- Judges panel of eliminated players
- Winner gets custom trophy (and eternal bragging rights)
🚀 Chapter 8: Your Mission - Start the IRR Revolution
🎯 The Ultimate Challenge: Become the IRR Battle Pioneer
Your Quest:
- ✅ Introduce IRR battles to your social circle
- ✅ Document the chaos (screenshots of confusion)
- ✅ Create at least one legendary business pitch
- ✅ Convert one friend to financial literacy through comedy
- ✅ Establish yourself as the “finance game person”
- ✅ Start a tradition that outlasts your BBQ grill
- Someone asks you to explain IRR in a serious context
- Friends start using financial terms in casual conversation
- You get invited to more parties specifically to run these games
- Someone’s ridiculous pitch accidentally becomes a real business idea
Ready to Launch Your Financial Combat Sports League?
Head to mm.firuz-alimov.com and arm yourself with the IRR calculator that’ll turn your next social gathering into a legendary financial gladiator arena.🎬 Coming Soon to Financial Fight Club
⚓ Next Battle
“DSCR Drinking Game: Out-Leverage a Yacht Bro”Featuring advanced techniques for debt service coverage ratio combat and maritime business model warfare
🎪 Season Finale
“Cap Rate Karaoke: Singing Your Way to Real Estate Glory”The ultimate fusion of property valuation and vocal performance
🏆 Hall of Fame: Submit Your Battle Stories
📸 Document Your Victory
📸 Document Your Victory
What to Share:
- Screenshots of the most ridiculous IRR calculations
- Videos of friends’ reactions to absurd business pitches
- Photos of your makeshift “financial battle arena” setup
- Evidence of converted friends now asking real finance questions
🎖️ Battle Badges to Earn
🎖️ Battle Badges to Earn
Pioneer Badge: First in your friend group to run IRR battlesChaos Catalyst: Caused someone to question reality through financial modelingEducation Ninja: Taught someone real finance concepts without them noticingLegend Status: Created a business pitch so memorable it becomes group lore
Share Your Financial Combat Stories
Tag your IRR battle victories with #IRRBattleRoyale and join the growing community of people who’ve made finance fun! Remember: The best way to learn about money is to play with it. The second best way is to make fun of people who take it too seriously. 🔥📊🏆Final Wisdom: In a world where financial literacy is dropping but financial complexity is rising, sometimes the best education comes from laughing at money while accidentally learning how it works. Welcome to the revolution. 🎭💰